Flash from the past or i can't sip, my jaw doesn't close.

So how often does your university crush email you out of the blue on lavalife? NEVER! I'd never even met him before, but knew his name and the department he was studying in. What?! And I did not even recognize him until I met him yesterday. He looked a bit different of course; 15 years does that to someone. Still HOT. Oh yah. So hot. I so rarely go on dates with hot guys. I can't think of the last time, actually.

So we meet safely at a Starbucks. We chat. Well he chats ... more like yammering. He talked on and on, briefly asking me questions and then taking over once I spoke four words. I found out about his mother who's had radiation for brain damage and that is killing her. I learned his dad has alzheimer's. I learned that his nephew, who's living with Grandma is robbing her for his drug habits. I learned that he got hit with some sort of gym machinery in 1999 and sued the university (not in american standards, though). I learned that he had another trainer after that who was working him like an olympic athlete and further injured that neck. I learned how he snowboarded and injured his neck then too. I learned how he has some sort of inflammation in one heal and bursitis too. He can't wear contacts because of the intensity of his prescription. And sunglasses aren't too stylish so he doesn't wear them.

He had a stockbroker company and sold that in 2009 (?).  A time when a lot of this strife was coming to light. His girlfriend left him then too. He told me of all this with a sense of calm, or neutrality or  percocet-stunned tone (you know, for all that neck pain) or adderall-flavoured stone (you know, for all the hardships life gives to him - it's so unfaiiiiiiiiiiiiiir) or maybe both.

He's a Taurus and stubborn but has learned that battles are worth choosing. And not always does he have to be right. And dealt me a handful of other cliches. I kept thinking, do I believe him? Does he believe himself? Hard to say ...

If this were any other guy, I'd've run screaming about 20 minutes in. However, this is my fantasy boyfriend. Someone I watched in the gym, mapping what days he worked out and what time that would be there. Someone that was in my grasp for 1 hour and 47 minutes. Something I never imagined.

I've really successfully removed a lot of drama in my life. I am not interested in hooking up with someone who brings it back - with vengeance. I will consider going on another date with him ... maybe that's all the stress he brings to the table. Likely not, but maybe.

It has been left in his hands to contact me again. I'm a little old fashioned that way. :) He can contact me. And if he doesn't then at least I had a little thrill for an afternoon and got to experience going on a date with a hot guy. sigh.

In the end, he'd be lucky to spend time with me, I'm really clear on this, I have way more to offer ... and I expect to hear from him in no less than 3 days as he told me that's when a guy calls a girl ... three days after meeting her ... lol.

sitting there when you should be rising (of falling)

can you imagine being stuck in an elevator with two strangers, for forty minutes? um, it's never happened to me and i'm not sure that i would deal very well with that. small talk is obnoxious when you know someone. strangers. gack. forty minutes. when is that going to end?!

my friend was just stuck there, on the 17th floor. she played tetris. i think my main emotion would be anger, actually. and then the space would get warm, then hot. and there is no way out. it's probably better not to think about it, actually. play a game on the smartphone. hope for the best.

frustration also comes to mind. frustratingly close to other bodies. like it's tolerable in a cue, on the train, at the stampede. we really do have a lot of freedoms in society, that typically our personal space is our own. sitting here at a long table full of computers, there is no one in sight. i like that. there is no one's garlic/cigarette/coffee breath to smell or body odor.

and everyone would handle it differently. imagine if you were the calm one. and the girl next to you starts freaking out. what do you do then? become a crisis counsellor? reaffirm your safety? teach her breathing techniques?

you look at all the buildings downtown, and imagine all the elevators in their core. breakdowns must happen, the works coming to a stop. is there always someone stuck inbetween at any one time?

this is one reason why i don't ever want to work in the corporate world again - elevator anxiety.

what was happening back then

hard to say what my motivation to choose any words i do, to put down in some esoteric mumbo jumbo. maybe i should be less evasive, because they're moderately entertaining to read ... but i have no idea what i was really saying. lol.

peanuts

misunderstanding everything you see.

fairly freaky tales

there's something to be said for grimm's fairytales. creepy stories about burning old ladies, ugly sisters, eating forest trekkers, mutilated arms, a cat with three legs, ripping oneself in two, incest.

"Then Gretel gave her a shove, causing her to fall in. Then she closed the iron door and secured it with a bar. The old woman began to howl frightfully. But Gretel ran away, and the godless witch burned up miserably. Gretel ran straight to Hansel, unlocked his stall, and cried, "Hansel, we are saved. The old witch is dead."

i think this author sums it up quite well.

electro

tonight i feel like i'm sitting on a jovian planet. lightning flashing in all directions. black and white film exposing the time-delays of white. it's a trial and error exercise. attempting to anticipate the duration between blasts. 30% correct. nature performing when she's ready and not a moment sooner.

cashin' in

what would it be like to shoot a man in reno? i've been to reno and it's not really meant to be the topic of a song ... it may as well be, 'i shot a man in Truckee' ... maybe it's the extremities that creates an urge to kill. the bleakness of uniformity, the heat, the gambling, the sin-city-wannabe, the remoteness. really the bowels of america. if reno was named something else, would johnny have shot that man, there?